August 18, 2021,
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I invite you to pause your reading here and think for a moment about what all this really means for you. As a baby, your very survival depended on your parents (or whoever was responsible for caring for you). So, like everyone, you naturally expected those people to have your best interests at heart.
Accordingly, you heard whatever they said and observed whatever they did as the absolute truth about how we should all be.
So, if they told you that you are the best thing that ever came into their lives, you believed it, just as you would believe it if they told you that you were the curse of their lives. How could we ever believe otherwise? We simply accept this early experience as truth, because we have nothing else to compare it with.
And we might even accept certain absolutes about life from our parents, even if they were not explicitly said to us in words, in the way they were shown to us by their actions.
Our parents’ and caregivers’ actions may speak even more loudly than their words.
As I’ve already mentioned, the only time you’re likely to question your script at all is if things become uncomfortable enough that you are forced to seek professional help, encouraging you to contemplate an alternative response.
Unless that happens, the way that you define a relationship is likely to be very similar to the way your parents defined their relationship.
And, just as the script was handed to you, in turn, you hand it on to your children.
And here is an unarguable truth: if you never take a hard look at your script, you can be certain it will not change.
To the wonder of you,
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