All I can see are your good points

March 14, 2015,  Relationship  No comments

“I have finally met the one I am meant to be with; my soul mate. I love him! I love him! I love him!” – These are the words of every woman in love who has just found out that destiny “has brought” to her knight in shining armour.
Men feel similarly. And if men tend to be more laconic when it comes to their emotions, then be sure and don’t doubt that they live through this love storm in the same way but without shouting out loud they’ve just found the perfect woman. This is the way things are and Nature has taken good care of all, so that in the beginning of a new relationship we enjoy the so-called “honeymoon stage of being in love”.

Relationship Stage 1: All I can see are your good points

The first stage of a relationship is a time of exclusive attachment. It creates such a strong connection that it seems that the couple can no longer survive separately.

The first time in your life when you should have experienced this was in your relationship with your mother when you were first born. For mothers and their babies, as well as for new couples, this is normal and necessary.

“Love at first sight” is the stuff so many great films, songs, and books are based on. It is when two individuals suddenly occupy themselves with each other in such a way that all they can think of, twenty-four hours a day is the other person. They just cannot stand to be apart, even for a moment.

If you think over it and remember your own relationships in their very first moments then you’d probably recall an explosive mixture of inarticulate exclamations, stolen kisses and a number of sleepless nights spent in the arms of your loved one. Give it a try and you will once again feel the explosion of these feelings. This is something you just can’t forget! This is the time of not being able to see any wrong in your partner – the rose coloured glasses are well and truly on – yes, the pair of the brand “All I can see are your good points”

What about the real life out of the zone of your heart in love?

Your work suffers. Your social life suffers. You are not interested in anything unless it involves her or him. You would do anything to spend time with that person, maybe even go to the football or ballet. Events that never interested you in the past and that you might even have found tiresome suddenly take on a completely new meaning because now someone you love is involved. The pleasure of giving to and receiving from that special someone exceeds anything you ever imagined.

You not only experience your attraction emotionally, but every cell of your being quivers at the sight of your love, and you want to fuse with each other as if you were one person.

This stage is not just about giving and receiving, but about being as well. When you first meet the “love of your life,” you are on your best behaviour. You present your best side as you seek, more than anything, your love’s absolute acceptance of you. The boundaries that defined who you were as individuals just a short time ago becomes unclear. “The two of us” becomes your primary reason to exist as you seek to spend as many waking moments of every day with that person as you can.

During this stage, any noticeable differences between you are often not noticed, ignored, or simply denied. You can really see only their good points.

This is why we say “love is blind.” Love makes you blind to anything but what you want to see. And this is as it should be. It is actually a trick of nature to ensure the survival of our species. If you were confronted with all your lover’s blemishes up front, you might not actually want to pursue the relationship at all.

You Are Hooked!

Every nice movie has its end, as well as every fairy tale. Think about it – if we were to remain in the status of experiencing constant love blindness, how would this would turn out to be? We would live in a twisted reality and eventually come to a standstill. And here comes Nature once again to bring wisdom to the situation: it is time for us to look beyond each other’s good points and see what is coming next.

As you desperately try to hold onto this stage, you realize that your individuality is now being overridden by being part of a couple. You may start to feel stifled even by the other person as you lose sight of where you each begin and end.

You simply cannot stay this way.

The attraction that brought you together in the first place starts to fade despite your efforts to prolong it. And as you desperately try to hold onto what was, you bring the inevitable ever closer.

If this didn’t happen, no one would ever work again, and the cooking and cleaning would never get done. The world would simply come to a standstill.

The most important thing is that you remember the following: do not grieve and do not feel sorry about the end of this period, after which you will feel you have the space and will to experience the next period.

That next period is truly the beginning of a real relationship.

There are two ways that couples come out of this “phase”. The first way: partners are not yet up to revealing their true selves as two autonomous people in a common relationship. The second way: partners are aware of the honeymoon flying away and feel they want to start working on building a truly strong family couple based on a stable foundation, meaning that in order to have a true relationship; you need to have two autonomous people making a clear decision that they want to truly commit to this relationship.

You need two for this relationship to truly work! Keep looking ahead and keep working on yourselves and on your relationship.

I will be more than happy to hear your thoughts, impressions, emotions and all tit-bits about your “honeymoon” when “All I can see are your good points”.

To the wonder of you,

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