February 24, 2020,
Counselling, Family, Games People Play, Life, Love, Relationship 
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I would like to say something about the title of my book Love, Lies, and the Games Couples Play. Put simply, love, and all that it embodies for us, is what each of us seeks in life above all else. It is the main reason we enter into relationships in the first place because it gives us a place to belong and to feel connected to others.
The “lies” in the title refers to the mistaken attitudes and beliefs that we hold about ourselves and about others. These are most likely based on someone else’s thinking which in the first instance were probably our parent’s. And as these beliefs were presented to us at a time when we were not able to make well-considered decisions for ourselves, they are not necessarily reflective of our current subjective truth.
Those beliefs, and the way we subsequently come to value ourselves and others based on them, will more than likely prevent us from finding the love we desire. This is simply because of the hurts those who have gone before us have experienced and therefore passed onto us unconsciously. We accept them unconsciously, so we are not really aware of what actually drives our lives.
The “games couples play” are the self-defeating strategies we employ from those mistaken beliefs that we unconsciously consider to be the best way to find the love we crave but that forever seems to elude us.
“How does this work?” I hear you ask. “That sounds like a contradiction.” Yes, it is. For now, I’ll sum it up by saying that we are all scripted, or programmed, when we are very young to believe certain things about our lives and how things should turn out. Our subconscious minds then work determinedly to ensure that reality matches our beliefs.
Sadly, for most of us, until we learn otherwise, the stronger and more negative of the beliefs that we hold will be the ones that take priority. This is why relationships don’t just happen. They need work and effort, but not just to be loving towards one another. First, we need to love ourselves enough to know in our hearts that we are deserving of another’s love. Consequently, we will expect nothing less than love from the other in return.
The greatest thing about relationships is that in a safe and nurturing environment, where we can express ourselves without fear and are accepted for who we are without reservation; we have all that we need to become all that we can be. And in offering our partners our love and nurturing, we create a space where they can become all that they can be as well.
More than anything I want you to find the hope that no matter how bad your relationship seems to be, no matter how close you are to calling it quits, you can find a way through the turmoil to discover your own “happily ever after.”
On my blog you will read about the good and not so good of human nature and how they affect your relationship. You will share the journeys of several couples and their struggles. The most notable of these are the stories of Beth and Roger, Tamara and Alex, Lyn and James, and Vanessa and Mark. You may even notice that you are experiencing something similar in your own relationship.
If you do find some similarities, I ask you not to abandon your relationship until you have read every blog post to find out what happens to each of the couples in my stories. Despite their struggles, they all do make it through somehow, and you can as well, whatever the outcome might be.
To the wonder of you,
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